It’s not easy watching three weeks of the Tour de France at work without getting fired. There are hours of live coverage that need your attention, and yet you still have ‘a job’ to do. Ugh. But don’t worry, here are The Daily Dynamo’s top ten tips for successfully slacking off during Le Grande Boucle.
Gently ease yourself off working in the run up to the Tour. By the time of Le Grande Depart you should be comfortably down to your optimal work level i.e. none.
Forge alliances among your colleagues. In the tough weeks ahead you will need these trusted soigneurs and domestiques: to provide bidons, musettes and support at your employment tribunal.
Avoid bike throw scenarios; choose your live streaming service wisely. Screaming “arse!” at a frozen image of the race and then throwing your monitor out the window might attract unwanted attention.
Fact: Watching Tour coverage on a window in the corner of your screen does not stop you concentrating on your work. If anything, it makes your brain stronger.
If your suitcase of courage is deep enough, go fullscreen. If anyone asks, tell them it’s a screensaver and it helps you think.
Always keep plenty of bidons at hand, and don’t forget to fling them across the office when they’re empty.
Get into the Tour spirit by eating your lunch from a musette grabbed from a soigneur as you roll by on your office chair.
No. Don’t even think about it. Taking a natural break at your desk will attract unwanted attention. Just use the toilet while watching Tour coverage on your phone like a normal person.
Use this time wisely. Take the morning off to go for a recovery ride, then go back to work and call a press conference to answer your colleagues’ stupid questions about doping.
The stage is over, you’ve done sod all work, and it’s finally time to go home and watch the highlights. Don’t forget to turn off the lights on your way out.